


To Rescue A Nemesis

by NecroticCoffee



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Perry is a jealous little gay platypus tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NecroticCoffee/pseuds/NecroticCoffee
Summary: Heinz hopes that he can finally make a connection on his last attempt at dating, but what he doesn't know is that his so-called "date" is on a mission to kill him. Of course, it's up to Perry to stop them, but little does he know that this was the exact same person that had saved him so long ago... well, it was really 2 years before he was assigned to Heinz, but the former sounds more dramatic.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 15
Kudos: 55





	1. Prologue

_Zoom_

A motorcycle speeds by in the darkened streets of Dallas. After driving for what must've been hours, the motorcycle pulls into a parking lot and comes to a stop in front of a motel.

The person driving the motorcycle stands up and takes off their helmet to reveal a tall figure with a red head of hair that's currently up in a short ponytail. They look around, surveying the rundown place that most likely has a few health violations. Satisfied that no one is stirring at the moment, they quickly walk into the main office.

"Hello? Hey bud!"

Jolting awake, the man that was asleep at the desk grudgingly asks, "Yeah? Whatcha want?"

"I need to find someone's room."

"Yeah? Why? You're not a cop are you?"

"…"

"Nah, I'm just kiddin. I don't care who ya are. Last name of the person please?"

"Vasquez."

Typing at the computer in front of him, the man looks up. "Looks like they're in room 26."

"Alright, thanks. Have a good night." Giving a small wave, the redhead walks out the door and mutters "loser" under their breath.

Walking up a set of stairs and in the direction of the room, they make sure no one is around to see them as they pull out a small spray bottle and hide it in their sleeve. Knocking on the door, they take a deep breath and wait.

The door opens and a woman with glasses and long, dark brown hair answers. "Oh! It's you! Come on in. Sorry it's a mess in here. I'm not the tidiest of people…"

Stepping into the room, they politely respond with a small smile. "It's ok Sophia. I don't mind. As long as we can talk for a bit."

The two sit down on the small couch in the corner of the room, with the brunette blushing a bit. "S-so what did ya wanna talk about?"

"Well, I know we've only known each other for a couple of days, but I've seen how kind and compassionate you are. Y como hermosa tú eres~." _(And how beautiful you are~.)_

When the redhead raises a gloved hand to her face, Sophia blushes a deeper shade of red. "R-really?"

"Mhmm~. With your flowing hair and smooth lips…" they say as their heads start tilting towards each other ever so slightly. Until Sophia's eyes close. _Bingo._ In a quick motion, they take the small bottle from earlier out of their sleeve and spray Sophia's face.

"W-what? What did you do that for?" Sophia realizes that there's a blank look on the other's face. "What was that?"

She soon answers her own question as she falls off the couch and becomes very sleepy all of a sudden. Her body starts to feel like it's shutting down and her limbs are going numb with a strange sensation.

"What did you do to me?"

"I'm sorry this had to happen to you, but I'm a murderer-for-hire. My client said she wanted you dead for a while and was offering a great sum of money. I accepted." Leaning down to the floor where the woman was dying, they whispered the last words that this poor person would ever hear.

"But I would like you to know that you are a very nice person, and I would've liked to get to know you a bit better, but a job's a job and you're just my target."

With labored breathing, Sophia manages to get out a few more words. "But I thought we had something…"

"We did. But I'm sorry to say that I'm an emotionless killer and you're just the unlucky person on the wrong end of my profession."

With one last burst of air, Sophia pants out, "You're going to hell…" Her body finally goes limp and her chest stops moving.

"I know. I know I am." With a sigh, they close Sophia's eyes and pull a small card out of their pocket and set it on her body. They then take a picture and send it to their client. 'It's done. You know where to put the money.' They get an immediate text back saying 'Alright. Thanks for your service. It is very appreciated.'

Shoving the phone and card in their pocket, they look at Sophia. They lift up the body and set it on the couch, careful not to let any of their skin touch her. Grabbing a blanket from nearby, they lay it on top of Sophia and walk to the door. With one look over their shoulder and a "see ya" they turn off the lights and walk out, making sure the door locks behind them.

They walk back down the stairs to their motorcycle when their phone vibrates. They pull it out and see that they have a text from an unknown number. Not necessarily surprising, but they are grateful when they realize it's another offer.

'Hello. I heard about you and would like you to do a favor for me…' They read on and are surprised when they read who their next target is. 'It's a doctor. But not just any doctor. An evil one.' When they finally finish reading, they think of the name out loud.

" _Doofenshmirtz._ What a peculiar name." They shake their head. "Whatever. At least I have another job."

Putting on their helmet and starting up their motorcycle, they turn on the GPS. 

"Alright Danville. Here I come."


	2. An Un-Wanted Surprise

"Agent P! Agent P! We have urgent news!" the watch on Perry's wrist whisper-shouts at him. With a small chatter and a yawn, he hops off the couch and slinks out of the living room, careful not to let Candace-who's currently calling Stacy and yelling about having her come over to help "bust her brothers"-see him sneak out into one of the many entrances to his lair.

Shooting down a tube, he arrives inside and dashes to the big monitor that takes up half the room. "Sorry to wake you," Major Monogram apologizes, "but we have received information of a certain suspicious individual. It seems that Doofenshmirtz has been on dating sites again recently and you know what happened last time. Find out if he's planning something and stop him."

With a nod, Perry stands up and is about to rush to his hover car when the sound of Carl's voice stops him. "Wait! Um, sir? What about the motorcycle?"

"Oh, right. That."

Perry perks up and is more intrigued as he sees Monogram take a deep breath. _What motorcycle? And why is the Major more hesitant about it?_

"Sorry about my forgetfulness, but this is a more serious matter. It seems that there was a…murder…in Houston about one or two days ago and a person on a motorcycle was spotted speeding away from the motel where this event took place. The cameras at the motel just so happened to be on the fritz that whole week and the suspect wasn't able to be identified."

"But the more concerning piece of information is that on the surveillance video from a gas station that spotted the suspect, it happened to catch a glimpse of where the person was headed. The photo is a bit fuzzy, but we'd like to show it to you so you get an idea of what the suspect looks like. Carl."

"Already on it sir," Carl responds. Perry waits for a couple of seconds as the photo pops up in the corner of the screen. The first thing he spots is the readout on the GPS: Danville. It's already worrying, but the next thing he sees stops him dead in his tracks. _That motorcycle… I feel like I've seen it befor-_ Then realization hits him. The pit of his stomach drops as he sees the motorcycle and the person that's riding it.

_Oh my god. It's them!_

His eyes almost widen when he sees the familiar sight, but he manages to keep his composure in front of Monogram as he continues. "We know this isn't usually in your field of work, but my superiors said I had to say this to all of the agents in Danville, just so we have more coverage of the city."

Perry nods, tapping his watch and then gesturing towards his hover car. "Right. That's all for now. And if you see the suspect while on duty, make sure your main priorities are taken care of first and then signal for backup."

Saluting quickly, Perry gets in his hovercar and heads to D.E.I. _This isn't good. I can't believe I would ever see that motorcycle again._ Shaking his head, Perry clears his thoughts. _I'll deal with them if the time comes. I just have to stay focused for now. Speaking of which…_

Crashing through the wall, as usual, Perry backflips through the air and lands in a perfect position. Surveying the area, he spots Heinz on his computer on the opposite side of the room. He sees him quickly exit the tab, but catches a small glimpse of what looked like underwear. 

Heinz quickly turns around and traps Perry in a cage just as he sees him trying to hide a small smile. Lightly blushing, Heinz tries to stand his ground. "Don't give me that look! You were running late and I remembered I needed some new clothes! Especially considering how many of my lab coats are ruined every day."

Perry shrugs and responds to his plight with a chatter. “ **My** fault?! Well excuse me Mr. I-Crash-Through-Walls-All-The-Time! It’s not like you’re the one that has to pay for your so-called ‘entrances’! Speaking of which, why were you late? My time matters too y’know.”

The platypus chatters with a softer tone. (You know I can’t tell you that, but I am sorry for running late. I truly am.) Heinz quits his pouting and studies Perry’s face for a moment. Convinced that it was a genuine answer, he turns away from the monotreme. “Hmm- fine. I get it. Confidentiality and all that junk. Try not to let it happen again though.” Thankful for his understanding, Perry makes sure he chatters with a volume that he thinks is just enough for the scientist to hear him. (Don’t worry about it. I like spending time with you too.)

Perry swears he thinks Heinz hesitates for a second, but isn’t too sure about it when he abruptly changes the subject. “Why are you here anyway? Come to think of it, I didn’t build an inator today, unless… I’m not sleep-inventing again am I? I swear I have no idea where it is or what it does.”

Rolling his eyes, Perry informs him why he’s there. (No, you’re not sleep-inventing. But I do believe that you’ve been on dating sites. Again.) Heinz realizes the implication and is slightly offended. “Oh I see. I guess I can’t even try dating one more time without Monogram thinking that I’ll try pulling the same stunt as last time?” Seeing Perry’s raised eyebrow, he scoffs. “Tch, fine. I _guess_ I should’ve expected that response. Well, I guess if that’s why you’re here, I don’t think there’s any more need to have you trapped.” Pressing the same button once more, the cage opens up and Perry steps away from it as it retracts into the floor. “But I will have you know that I am not planning anything this time. It’ll just be a plain and simple date. No evil attached.”

Perry feels a small mix of relief and sadness at Heinz’s words, but quickly waves the emotions off. _Be professional. You should’ve expected that this was gonna happen at some point._ “I’ve even been messaging this person and they say that they’re a traveler of sorts. We’re planning on having dinner at a fancy restaurant tomorrow night too. They seem fairly nice and I think it’ll turn out well.” Heinz finishes talking and sees Perry giving him a blank stare. “So there. Nothing evil with that now is there Perry the Platypus?” With no noticeable movement, a monotone chatter emanates from the platypus. (I suppose not.)  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would've continued, but it was awkward and more saddening to say the least. Oh, and I was gonna update a day ago, but decided to update right before I went to my Tia's (aunt's) house for a few days. I probably won't update until next Thursday, which is the day after I get back. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and y'all can have a schedule update to look forward to in the next chapter's notes ;) See ya then! (Hahaha punny chapter title!!1! Get it? Cuz the murderer is Wanted? I'm the most Hilarious human being!1!!)


	3. Planning A Murder (And Some Shopping)

With the small backpack making a soft _thump_ on the bed, they sigh and ponder about their next target. _At least this one is more justifiable, in a moral sense I suppose._ Thinking a bit more, they give a small chuckle at their own thoughts. "Heh, who am I kidding? I'm still killing someone." They catch a glimpse of the mirror on the wall and study their reflection. "You sure have become something, now haven't you Jordan?"

With a quick movement of their hand, they fix a few out-of-place strands of hair and feel their phone vibrate. Pulling the phone out of their pocket, they see it's a message from Doofenshmirtz.

**So dinner tomorrow at 7:00 right? ;)**

**_Yep. Cya then cutie! :)_ **

"Ugh. I really hate this lovey-dovey crap sometimes. The guy is nice and all, but geez." Putting the phone back in their pocket, Jordan starts to think of how they're going to kill him.

Opening the backpack, they dig past some sheathed knives, a couple of guns, and pull out a small bag. "Aha! Here it is." They set the bag on the small desk in the room and pull out some gloves, safety goggles, and a mask from the front pocket of the backpack. Quickly putting them on and sitting down, they then open the bag and pull out a small mortar and pestle, and a poison hemlock plant. Pulling 8 leaves off, they grind the leaves into a green, flaky mixture that looks similar to parsley. Putting the green flakes into a plastic bag, they seal it up and set the bag down.

Taking off the protective gear, they start pondering aloud. "Now that that's done, how shall I do it? Hmm… oh, I got it! Sprinkling it on his food! Very fitting and subtle. More creative than usual as well!" Patting themselves on the back, they smile and lean back in the chair. After feeling satisfied for long enough, Jordan sighs. "Ugh, now what do I do?"

Standing up and walking to the mini fridge, they peek inside and see a water bottle and… that's it. Jordan's stomach suddenly grumbles and answers their question. "Well, it is lunch time. I guess I should grab a bite to eat."

Zipping up the backpack and slinging it over their shoulders, they grab their keys and head outside. Making sure to lock the door behind them, they start up their motorcycle, which was thankfully in the shade and not boiling in the summer sun. Putting on their helmet, they head downtown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After finishing off some pizza, Jordan had been wandering aimlessly around downtown, until a peculiar antique shop caught their eye. Parking, they read the sign out loud. "Flynn-Fletcher Antiques. Sounds nifty." Walking inside, they're greeted by a friendly cashier.

"Hello there! My name's Lawrence if you need anything!" Slightly surprised by the accent, Jordan smiles. "Got it, thanks!" Walking deeper into the store, they see lots of peculiar trinkets and knick knacks, along with some furniture and paintings. A small box catches their eye though and they pick it up out of curiosity. Turning it over, Jordan almost drops the box when they see what's on the bottom.

Right there, carved into the wood, the unmistakable signature of the one and only Agent P. "Holy sh-" "Is everything alright?" Suddenly startled by Lawrence's appearance, Jordan tries to respond without sounding surprised. "U-um, yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to ask where this box came from?"

"Oh that one? Well, that's a funny story actually. My sons had been digging in our backyard and found it when they were about 5 or so? They thought it might've been from some old-timey spy or something silly like that since it looked quite a bit old."

"Oh really? Your family found this and you were able to make it for sale here?" Lawrence laughs, and answers their question with a smile. "Why yes! I own the store already so why not?" Not hiding their surprise, Jordan continues questioning him. "You're the owner? I never would've thought that."

"Well, me and my wife own it. Our boys are quite imaginative, so I thought I could at the very least have this small box be for sale. Speaking of, your hair reminds me of my son Phineas. He has red hair as well, along with my wife and daughter, but theirs is more orange than anything else. Hang on, let me grab a family photo I have of all of us." Lawrence disappears into the back room and quickly returns with the photo.

"Here, see? Phineas' hair is the same color as yours! And Linda and Candace have more orange hair…" Lawrence's voice fades into the background as Jordan focuses on the thing at the bottom of the photo. _It's him. Holy shit it's him._

"Sorry for interrupting you, but may I ask why a platypus is at the bottom of your family photo?" Pausing his ramblings, he looks at where Jordan's pointing at. "Oh him? Why that's our pet platypus! Perry! It may seem like an odd pet choice, but he's a nice little monotreme that doesn't do much."

_Doesn't do much, huh? I guess this is his oblivious host family._ "Well that seems… nice. I think I'm gonna buy this box. How much?" Surprised at the sudden offer, Lawrence ponders for a moment. "Well, you listened to my little tangent, so I suppose I could give it to you for 4 dollars. How does that sound?" Digging out their wallet from their pocket, Jordan pulls out a 5 dollar bill. "Here. Keep the change. I don't mind." Quickly starting to walk away, they hear Lawrence call out behind them. "Oh! Thank you, um, whatever your name is!" Already halfway out the door, they yell back to Lawrence. "The name's Jordan! And you're welcome!" Seeing the door close, Lawrence talks to himself. "Jordan. Hmm. What a peculiar person."

Outside, Jordan inspects the box one more time before shoving it into the side pocket of their backpack. "I never thought I would see your name again Agent P. Heh. 'Doesn't do much.' What a _joke._ " Revving up their motorcycle, they speed off once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I lost my motivation to write for a month :/ and I got my free time taken up by stuff, but yikes I'm sorry y'all. Anyway, I have been gathering notes for my mainly perryshmirtz but still multi-ship passion project fic tho, which I'll be releasing as soon as I finish with this fic. :) Oh, and updates on Monday and Thursday from now on! I might've gone on a writing spree lol. (Btw poison hemlock is a plant that can cause death by respiratory failure if you ingest it)


	4. Sticking Around and Finding Out

Yawning, Perry wakes to hear the boys getting dressed to go downstairs for breakfast. Realizing today is Heinz's date, he feels slightly saddened all of a sudden. "Hey Perry, you ok buddy?" Looking up he sees Phineas looking at him with worry. "Bad dream or something else?"

Giving Phineas a small chatter, he returns to his normal state. "Hmm, ok then… but you do smell a bit." Making a grumbling sound, Perry tries to hop off the bed, but Phineas catches him as he's trying to do so. "You're not getting away from this. Hey Ferb, I have an idea! I know what we're gonna do today!"

Unable to escape Phineas' grasp, the boys and him go downstairs while Phineas is planning the day out. Making their way to the table, Perry is set down by his food bowl. Candace enters the dining room and slumps down into her chair. "Ugh, what are you two talking about?" "Well Perry needed a bath, so we came up with the idea of having a pet grooming service! Everyone can drop off their pets and we can wash them and let them play with other pets!"

"Hmm, that doesn't sound Bust-able enough… but if it's some big contraption I'm telling Mom!" "Well we're still planning it out, so we don't know how big it's going to be yet." Pouring cereal and some milk into the bowl in front of her, she mutters something under her breath about busting and takes a bite. "Candace, no mumbling at breakfast," Linda says as she walks in. "Morning Mom! We're gonna give Perry a bath today!" "That's great! I'm going to the mall to do some shopping today, so if you boys need anything just call me. And Candace, try not to call me too much."

Sighing, Candace nods. Smiling, Phineas responds with "Sure thing!" as they all see their mom leave the room and into the garage. Hearing the car leave, the boys finish their breakfast and head outside. "Hey Candace? Can you watch Perry while we fix things up outside?" Thinking for a moment, she narrows her eyes in his direction. "What's in it for me?" "Come on Candace, please?" "Ugh fine. But don't blame me if he disappears like he always does." Phineas smiles from the doorway. "Thanks Candace! You're the best!" "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

Seeing him disappear outside, she looks down at Perry finishing up eating from his bowl. Perry stares up at Candace with a blank look on his face. Feeling shivers from his expression, she speaks at him in an irritated tone. "You're pretty weird sometimes." _I know you are, but what am I?_ Perry chatters. "Hmph. That better not have meant anything."

_You wish._ Perry walks out of the room and hops onto the couch, with Candace following suit. "Well, let's see what's on TV." She turns it on and she and Perry watch for a few moments. Her phone rings and it reads as 'Stacy'. "Stay here. I'll be back." Perry hears her start talking to Stacy as she walks upstairs. Making sure no one is around, he reveals his watch. He expects it to go off any second, but after waiting a few minutes more, he hides it again and sighs. _Of course there's no Inator today. He's busy getting ready for tonight._ Looking towards the TV, he sees what's on.

It's a talk show, and they happen to be talking about relationships. The woman on the screen is talking about how great a dating app was because of how well her first date went with her now husband. "We just clicked immediately! Not to be too dramatic, but I think it was destiny that we met." _Wow, good for you. You're doing better than me._ Perry sighs as he watches more.

Isabella suddenly walks into the room and Perry quickly goes into his blank state. "Hi Perry! Phineas told me to come get you." She carefully picks him up and they head outside. As soon as they get outside, he sees a huge sign on a very tall, multi-level vibrant building that reads "P&F's Pet Care!" _Well, at least I get to spend some time with the boys._

"Oh phew. Perry's still here!" Phineas exclaims as Isabella hands Perry over. "Yep! He was sitting on the couch. I think he was watching TV!" Isabella says with a giggle. "Oh nice! What were you watching buddy?" **Krkrkrkrkrkr.** "Well, sorry for taking you away, but it's time to get you clean!"

Placing Perry on a conveyor belt, Phineas presses a button nearby and he starts moving. *insert Quirky Worky Song here* Phineas steps on a panel in the ground, and it floats up as he goes to a control panel, while Perry goes higher through the building. Looking around, Perry sees lots of robotic arms start to move towards him. They start rinsing and scrubbing him, followed by a drying cycle from a big fan. The arms then give his fur a slight trim in some places and it's followed up by another rinsing and drying.

He's then placed in a glass enclosure where he finds Pinky already shaking away. The floor then drops out and the pair are sent down a long slide that curves around the outside of the towering structure. When they reach the bottom, the arms put a bow tie on Perry, a collar back on Pinky, and send them out with a few pats on the head and into the waiting arms of Phineas and Isabella.

Feeling refreshed, Perry chatters in a happy sort of tone while Pinky licks Isabella and gives her a friendly bark. "Now that wasn't so bad, now was it?" Phineas asks as he pets Perry on the head. "Well, now that we know that they liked it, we can send the rest in!" Perry glances at the rest of the backyard and sees people in line with pets in arms, on leashes, in cages, and the list goes on and on.

Phineas sets Perry on the ground, and sends him off. "There you go buddy. Now, let's get this line moving!" Perry sees Phineas walk away as he hears his watch go off. Surprised, he quickly wonders what it could be about. Wandering into the house through an open door, he takes off the bow tie and sneaks into his underground lair. Sitting down, Major Monogram pops up on the screen.

"Hello Agent P. We just wanted to double check with you that you knew that Doofenshmirtz isn't up to anything evil today. His non-evil date is tonight after all." Perry nods and thinks to himself. _I know. Thanks a lot for pleasantly reminding me._ "Anyway, his date doesn't seem too bad based on their online profile. It only says their age and that they're 'A traveler of sorts'." Nodding along with his comments, he zones out as Monogram continues. "They look quite good as well, which is quite a surprise considering it's Doofenshmirtz after all. Here, take a look."

Not expecting the person to look _that_ good, he pretends to look at something important off-screen. "I will admit that their hair looks neat as well. Redheads always seem to look good." _Wait. A_ **_redhead?_** Slowly turning his head he looks at the picture of Heinz's date.

Standing up at the speed of light, he knocks over the chair he was just sitting in. Eyes darkening, he grimaces as he lets his thoughts begin to drip with malice. _IT'S_ **_THEM._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I accidentally fell asleep before I updated last night lol, sorry for bein quite a bit late. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! A better update time on Thursday :)


	5. The Date

Throwing clothes behind him, Heinz searches through his closet. “Dad, are you sure you need to be looking through there? You’re probably just going to wear your lab coat like you always do.” Turning around at the sound of Vanessa’s voice, he’s surprised to see that his daughter seems to care about the date he’s going on. “Oh, hi Vanessa. And I’ll have you know that I do  _ not _ always wear my lab coat!”

“Oh really? Tell me one time when you weren’t wearing your lab coat on a date.”

“Well, um, let’s see… there was that one time when… um…”

“Mhm. Well, this has been a fun conversation, but I just wanted to let you know that some of my friends are coming over to watch some movies while you’re on your date. So I wish you luck, and I’ll be in my room.” Seeing her walk out, Heinz waves and turns back towards his closet.

He looks down at what he’s wearing and sighs. “She’s right.” He suddenly sees something on the floor out of the corner of his eye. Picking it up, he sees that it’s a striped purple and green tie. He turns it over in his hand and sees a note on it. ‘To Heinz. Think of this as a late birthday gift. Hope you had a great day. -Perry’.

Upon seeing Perry’s neat handwriting, Heinz feels his cheeks heat up a bit. He smiles and walks over to the mirror to put the tie on. Tightening it around his neck, he loosens it up a bit so he has some room to breathe. Looking back up at himself, he sees that the tie looks… really good on him. “Wow. I wonder when Perry the Platypus gave this to me. I don’t think I remember when he did.” His phone suddenly goes off and sees that Jordan has texted him. 

**_How’s it going? I decided where we can eat for tonight! We can eat at that restaurant downtown called ‘The Hot Rooftop’. I heard they were pretty good._ **

Looking up from his phone, he glances at the tie in his reflection once more before biting his lip and responding back to Jordan.  **That sounds great! See you later.** He runs a hand through his hair and sets down his phone. “Why do I feel so weird? I thought I would be looking forward to this.” 

He looks around the room and sees some plans for an inator on his desk. Picking them up, he thinks about the plans for tomorrow. “I suppose it could be because I didn’t have anything evil planned today. That’s most likely the reason.” He stops for a second when he realizes what might happen if the date goes well. “Oh no! I won’t have as much time for Perry to thwart me! I’m sure he’ll understand though…I hope.” 

He sees what time it is and realizes he has to take a shower and get ready. “Oh scheisse! I don’t want to be late!” Quickly grabbing a towel, he heads into the restroom to get freshened up for tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Alright. It’s 6:30, and I got my keys, backup knife, phone, the bag with the poison, and...oh right! My wallet, duh. How could I forget that? I just hope the food is worth the cost.” Searching through their backpack, they hurry to try to find it before it gets any later. “Aha! Here it is. Oh, right. That’s still there.” 

They shove their wallet into their back pocket and pull out the box they bought the day before from the side of the backpack. “I just can’t believe that after all this time, I just so happen to come to the same town where the one and only Agent P lives. I’m just lucky he isn’t gonna be anywhere near me. The odds of him fighting the exact same weird scientist that I’ve been sent to kill is slim to none.” Chuckling slightly, it suddenly turns into a small nervous laugh, and then it becomes silence. “Wait.”

They whip out their phone and go to the original text they were sent. “I need you to do a favor for me blahblahblah...aha, here we go.  _ ‘I’m not sure if Doofenshmirtz has an O.W.C.A. agent on his case or not, but be aware that there are animal agents in Danville.’ _ Geez, how did I miss seeing that the first time I saw this text?!” Looking straight at the fourth wall, they stare for a few seconds before shaking their head. “That was strange...anyway...I can’t believe I missed that though. Well, on the bright side, I don’t think anyone’s nemesis would be  _ that _ involved in their life. Especially when it comes to dating.”

They take one last glimpse of themselves in the mirror, fix their rolled-up sleeves, and take one last look at their hair. Seeing that it’s 6:40, they mutter under their breath and rush outside. They realize they don’t know if they locked the door, but leave it be considering they’re already running a few minutes late. Quickly putting on their helmet, they pull out of the parking lot and speed away from the motel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**_Krkrkrkr._** “What’s up Perry? I know we kept you from going off to...wherever you go, probably the basement or something, but we realized you could be our mascot for the Pet Care and that opportunity was too good to pass up! Sorry if you were too bored just sitting on that pedestal on the top floor.” Sighing, Phineas sets Perry down on the ground and pats him on the head a few times. “Sorry buddy. After you showed back up outside we just couldn’t resist! I hope you at least had a little bit of a good time with us today, with the wash and all. You can do whatever you want now.”

Feeling bad for being so eager to leave, Perry rubs up against Phineas’ leg, gaining one more pet on the head from the boy, and scurries off to the side of the house to go to his lair the second time that day. He steps through the small panel that opens up and goes down through the tube.

Perry’s plan  _ was _ to go right back down as soon as he came up earlier so he could go warn Heinz, but after he had tried to calmly leave his lair after finishing his briefing with the Major he had gone back up again, and Ferb just so happened to turn the corner when he came back out of the tube.  _ I should’ve just stayed down here earlier. If I did that I wouldn’t have been stopped for hours...but then I would’ve had to explain to the Major that I had to go to D.E.I. anyways, and that wouldn’t have been a fun conversation. I guess this is better than nothing. _

Finally stepping out of the tube after what felt like forever, Perry runs straight to his hover car and speeds out to D.E.I. to warn Heinz. When he gets there he sees that Heinz isn’t there.  _ Oh no. _ He steps out of the hover car and searches through multiple rooms just in case, but is disappointed to see no one there, until he comes across Vanessa’s room. Right as he’s about to knock on the door, he hears a voice coming from behind him. “Perry? What are you doing here?”

Turning around, he sees it’s Vanessa with a bag of fresh popcorn. He nervously waves and starts to hurriedly chatter while signing and gesturing. “Woah there, slow down. You want to know where my dad is right?” Nodding quickly, he shuts up for a second while listening to Vanessa. “Well, I suppose you already know that he’s on his way to a date with someone. I’m pretty sure he said he was going to some restaurant named ‘The Hot Rooftop’. It seems like a chill restaurant to get to know someone at.”

Trying to ignore the last part for his own sake, he takes note of the name of the restaurant, and nods his response to her. He waves goodbye as he dashes past her, but stops when he hears Vanessa yell out behind him. “Wait! I just wanted to let you know that he likes you, ya know. Even if he might not realize it yet.” Not looking behind him, he stays still for a moment, but suddenly makes a small chirping sound and leaves towards his hover car. “Hmm. I wonder what that was about.” “Yo Vanessa! Where’s that popcorn?” she hears someone yell from her room. “Be right there!” she yells back as she hears the hover car fly away.

Feeling the wind rush past his fur, Perry zooms over to the restaurant, while trying to keep Vanessa’s comments at the back of his mind. He has more important things to worry about right now like avoiding Heinz, while trying to save him from his demise of course.

Seeing the restaurant down below, he parks and hides his hover car in the alley beside the building. He peeks out from behind the dumpster and immediately sees Heinz pass by on the sidewalk. Quickly dashing to the corner, he sees him open the door to the establishment and walk inside. As soon as he sees him walk inside, he hears a motorcycle coming down the street from the opposite direction. Making sure he isn’t visible from that direction, he sees the person on the motorcycle get off and hand the keys over to the valet. “Thanks. Take this too.”

Perry sees them take off their helmet to reveal exactly who he was expecting it to be.  _ Jordan a.k.a. The Rare Redhead.  _ Known to be a rare sight to any agent or villain no matter the circumstance, they travel constantly and never kill twice in the same city for at least one or two years. Yet even with these established rules, it’s said that they’re one of the richest people in the business  _ and _ has always had the ability to blend in among ordinary people.

He sees Jordan walk inside, but not before he notices something sticking out of their pocket. It looks like a small bag of something green, but Jordan disappears inside before he can see what it is. Hearing a door open behind him, he dives behind the dumpster before the man taking out two big bags of trash can see him. Perry nearly lets the door close behind the man, but quickly stops it before it can shut.

Peeking inside, he sees the hustle and bustle of the restaurant’s large kitchen. Perry dashes under a table and begins to crawl and duck his way through mazes of pots, pans, and various other metal objects. Passing by a few sets of legs, he finally reaches the door that leads to the dining area.

After peeking out to make sure the coast was clear, he dives behind a plant that’s right outside the set of doors. From there he looks around and sees exactly where Heinz and Jordan are sitting. As soon as he realizes he can only see the sides of their faces, he sees the waiter walk up with their drinks and sees them start to order their food.  _ Wow that’s some fast service. Or maybe I took longer than I thought I did. _

Looking around the table that they’re sitting at, he notes that it’s fairly secluded and near a corner. Making sure no one will see him, he runs over to the booth and hears the pair talking right above him while he stays put near the floor behind Heinz. Upon hearing him laugh, his head drops down a tad, but he quickly shakes his head and forgets it.  _ Not now. Focus. _

“So you said you like to travel. Why do you like traveling so much? It sounds like fun getting to see new places all of the time.” Jordan laughs a bit before replying. “Well it is at least a little fun. I mostly travel around for my job as a Freelance Marketing Consultant, but I do enjoy seeing new cities of all sorts. I think I’ve been out of the country a couple of times as well.” 

_ What a load of crap. I will admit that ‘Freelance Marketing Consultant’ does sound surprisingly convincing though. _

“That sounds nice! I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I bet that your job pays a pretty penny considering how much traveling you do, right?” 

“Oh yeah. You have no idea. I never guessed it would be such easy money once I started. Alright, enough about me. What do you do? I don’t really judge.”

“Oh, me? Well, it certainly isn’t something most people would expect, but I’m an evi-”

The waiter suddenly pops up near them with their food while Perry peeks over the back of the booth where Heinz is sitting. Seeing Jordan start to turn their head, Perry quickly ducks back behind where he can’t be seen.  _ Phew. That was close. _ As soon as the waiter leaves, Perry rushes to where the waiter was so he can see if Jordan tries to pull the mysterious small bag out of their pocket. 

Quickly pulling a small tool out from his hat, he extends it out and uses it to grab a hold of the small bag. He carefully makes sure it has a firm grip on the bag and starts to pull it towards him as he feels a bead of sweat drip down his face. “Now I know it’s strange, but before you go on eating, I wanted you to have a taste of some of my home-grown parsley. I have a gardening hobby as well and wanted to know what you think. Don’t worry, but I’ve eaten some of it myself and I have to say that it tastes as good as parsley can get.”

Perry sees the bag come out and immediately pulls it towards him as he sees Jordan’s hand go into their pocket. Quickly turning around, he sneaks off with the bag and heads to the restroom where he can flush it, but not before Jordan sees the end of his tail when he turns around and sees him wander off. Jordan makes a fist under the table and tries hard not to grimace as they say, “Actually, hold that thought. I have to go to the restroom. You can go ahead and start eating.”

“Oh, ok! I’ll be here then!” Heinz exclaims, completely clueless to the current situation.

“Great. Stay here.” Jordan walks as calmly as possible while thinking more and more of all the ways they could possibly kill the monotreme. When they finally reach the bathroom they slam the door open and hear a toilet flush. Locking the main bathroom door behind them, they walk over to a cracked open stall door and slam it open to see an empty plastic bag laying on the ground. Suddenly hearing a chatter coming from the direction of the sinks, Jordan turns around to see Perry standing on the counter with his arms crossed. 

**Krkrkrkr.**

“It’s nice to formally meet you too, Agent P.” With that being said, Jordan lunges towards him, while Perry prepares to punch someone square in the face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ight, so I hope you enjoyed! Wowie this took a long time to write, but anything for y'all! :) Online school started for me Tuesday, so ughhh. I don't really know how any schedule matters that much anymore, since we're nearing the end of this fic lol, but I have big plans for my next fic, and a couple of one-shot stories I've been kinda writing in the spur of the moment on my phone. (but yes I'll try to have Monday updates at least) So I mean if ya wanna stick around and sub to me that would be epic, cuz I have lots more on the way. Oh right, Heinz did indeed say "Oh shit!" in German (or Drusselsteinian idk) :)

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this chapter was a little dark, but ya know, gotta have a plotline :P. Oh, and if you're wondering about the Spanish, I'm bilingual and felt like it lol. Anyway, hope you enjoyed and the real story starts next chapter. Stay tuned! :)


End file.
